MY Favorite Fictional Characters (by Ryan Mains)

So, seeing as how Patrick has a list of his favorite fictional characters, I figured I'll include a list of mine, the difference being that mine isn't a top 10 and just a list of characters I love. There's some spoilers, I guess. Also, I'll probably update this over time as I think of other great characters.

                                                                                          Nightwing

C'mon, who doesn't love the fabulous flying Dick Grayson? Snarky, cool, and every bit as badass as (and far more likable than) the Dark Knight, it's a shame DC rebooted everything and did away with Dick taking up the Cowl. Also, get Joseph Gordon-Levitt for Batman v. Superman. You know he's perfect. 

  Wolverine

Despite being oversaturated as all hell, Wolverine was popular for a reason, bub. As a kid, something about his defiant, ruthless attitude made me take notice when compared to the other X-Men. Also, he did give us one of the best comic book movie casting decisions of all time. 

Thane Krios

The deadliest assassin in the galaxy, Thane's religious attitudes and aloof nature made him one of Bioware's best characters. Slowly picking apart his personality was one of the highlights of Mass Effect 2, and his final battle in Mass Effect 3 is an example of Bioware's skill as writers when they're not cramming garbage down our throat. You will be missed, siha. 

Han Solo

Harrison Ford's best character (suck it, Indy!), Han Solo is a badass gun-slinging rouge in a world of space wizards, who has the audacity to question the powers of all those space wizards. And he gets the girl and saves the day. Why does everyone say Luke is the hero again?  

Louis "Lou" Bloom

Less a man and more a bottomfeeder clinging to whatever profits him most, Lou Bloom is a character whose Joker-level brilliance, determination, and charisma should be inspiring, but instead come off as horrific. Like the accidents he films, he's incredibly difficult to look away from.  

Jesse Pinkman

The best character in a show of great characters, Jesse's love-hate relationship created one of the most interesting father-son dynamics ever, and his redemption gave everybody something to root for as Breaking Bad got darker and darker. He's everything Jason Todd could be, if DC's writers could get their act together. Plus, he's the show primary provider of comedy. (Magnets, bitch!)

Rorschach

It's a good thing Alan Moore wasn't allowed to use The Question and had to make original characters instead. The Batman of Watchmen, Rorschach shows what happens when a black-and-white worldview combines with a ruthless sense of justice. Bitter and nihilistic until the very end, Rorschach doesn't stop believing in the truth and nothing but. Maybe that's a worldview we all should have.

Rust Cohle

Far more than his depressed demeanor suggests, Rust is a man who's given up on the human race, and probably life in general. Rather than take him seriously, True Detective goes out of it's way to mock (and ultimately) disprove him, making him something of an odd man out. At the end of the day, Rust ain't a bad man. Just the only man brave enough to admit his own flaws. 

Gustavo Fring 

A dark mirror of Walter White, Gus Fring is a man who hides his own monstrosity under a calm and polite facade. Seemingly friendly, the mere presence of Gus instills fear into every character, and even the audience. The perfect example of a villain who doesn't need to go over-the-top, Gus is the best of Breaking Bad's (fantastic) set of villains,

Old Man Logan

It's Wolverine, except old and thoroughly finished with being a superhero. It's unfortunate that the character is being dragged through the Secret Wars dimension-hopping nonsense, and Fox's general dickishness has made making a perfect Old Man Logan movie impossible, because Mad Max with Wolverine is an amazing idea. 

Spider-Man

When I was a kid, I used to get old Spider-man comics from the newspaper, and was crushed when they stopped. Point is, I (like a lot of kids) got into comic books through Spidey, and he's incredibly easy to empathize with regardless of age. And y'know what? I liked Superior Spider-Man. Come at me, internet. 

The Trinity Killer

Dexter Morgan's deadliest foe, the Trinity Killer is a character stooped in tragedy, but is never so sympathetic you forget how evil and broken he truly is. He works, both on his own and as a representation of a possible future for Dexter. His final moments are easily the show's highest point. 

Samwise Gamgee

The true hero of Lord of the Rings, Sam is strong-willed, loyal, and pure of heart, raising the question of why Gandalf didn't just give him the ring. 

Walter White

An anti-hero who corroded horrifically before the eyes of the audience, Walter White is a) one of the greatest performances by any actor and b) one of the few characters in TV history to change over time to the point where he's unrecognizable. Easily one of the greatest character arcs on television. 

Max Rockatansky

In a world without heroes, Max is a man who does his damndest to focus on survival, but his sense of heroism always wins out. Choosing to step in and risk his neck, but never losing his sense of pragmatism, Max is the ultimate survivor. 

Deadpool

While he's gone through a bit of overhype in recent years, Deadpool is a blast to read. Who knew a character that could do anything he wanted would be so much fun? While his game was pretty meh, and his first film outing was crap, I'm excited to see if Deadpool can break through nerddom and become a household name. 

Dr. Horrible

A socially awkward mad scientist with supervillian aspirations, Dr. Horrible is Joss Whedon's best character, and Neil Patrick Harris's performance makes the character's fall into true evil incredibly poignant. And rather than give this character the sequel he deserves, Whedon chose to make Agents of SHIELD. Great.  

Phillip Jennings

Loving family man by day, ruthless Soviet spy by night, Phillip has slowly grown into the heart of The Americans, largely due to his conflicting loyalties to Russia and his increasing love of the American way of life. As his wife grows more dangerous and unlikable, he becomes the opposite. 

Loghain Mac Tir

Loghain's brilliance stems largely from his inital setup as a dastardly one-dimensional bad guy, because it makes the slow reveal that he's far more than meets the eye all the more effective. A man who gave everything (even the love of his life) for his kingdom, only to watch it seemingly decay under an incompetent ruler, Loghain is noble, well-intentioned, and way better than Alistair, making it barely a decision when the game forces you to choose between them. 

Jon Snow

Jon's interesting to me because he's the only Stark that manages to stick to the moral code and come out more or less unscathed, He's a character operating with some level of honor, while everybody else is playing a cuthroat game of life-or-death. 

Ezio Auditore Di Firenze

One of the greatest character arcs in anything ever is Ezio's turn from an inexperienced and cocky teenager to a grizzled mentor. Easily the most interesting character in Assassin's Creed. 

Ellie 

In a genre of grizzled, cynical survivors, Ellie stands out because she manages to be an idealist without being naive. She's also snarky, badass, and funny, but in a real, human way. 

Ellen Ripley

The badass sci-fi hero, Ripley is a take-no-guff survivor of anything the galaxy throws at her, and she's the crowning achievement of James Cameron's career. Here's hoping Alien 5 doesn't ruin her anymore than the other sequels did. 

The Driver

The brilliance of the Driver is the mystery of him. When we're introduced to him, we see a cool-headed, stoic, badass professional.  But as time goes on, he becomes more and more human, falling in love and killing a foe in a brutal fit of rage. It's a shame Nicholas Refn is a jerk who makes bad movies, because this character should be in everything. 

Tyler Durden

Tyler Durden was one of the first characters who I was really interested in, largely due to the fact that he's so charismatic you fail to realize he's a hypocrite who's far worse than whatever it is he's fighting. It's still my favorite Brad Pitt performance in my favorite David Fincher film.  

Plastic Man

The idea of being able to do whatever you want, with the only limit being your imagination, is very appealing to me. And unlike a certain green idiot named Jordan, Plastic Man can and will do anything. He's also a hell of a lot of fun, and our only hope of stopping a rouge Martian Manhunter. Awesome. 

Aquaman

Aquaman gets bullied so relentlessly that he's on this list largely out of pity. And because he's a badass. But mostly pity. 

Nick Valentine

Valentine is an example of Bethesda's skill and creativity at creating characters, given that he's a friendly, good-hearted, robot detective and one of the main character's first allies. Sounding like a 40's detective may have something to do it. 

Superman

Truth, justice, and the American way. I love Superman because what he fights for are far more interesting and honest than "Crime took my family so fuck crime." He's a man who loves everything, and does everything he can to bring hope and inspiration to the people of Earth. And, no, he would not lose a fight with Batman. That's over in at best a couple punches. 

Art!

So, in UTC, I make cool 2D art, so I'll continue to post it here as I make it.

The first of my creations. For those wondering why who is who, let me break it down. I'm Nightwing because I rule, Patrick is Tim because he's the smart one (at tech, at least), Dylan is Damian because he's a grumpy child at heart, Levi is Jason because he's angsty and an on-and-off member of the team, Nate is Azrael because he's an aloof ally at best. and Nicole is Steph because she's not badass enough for Barbara or Cass. 

Astronautilus requires no explanation. 

This is based off of an in-joke between me and Levi from Old Man Logan, about Red Skull being petty enough to steal Hulk's pants for his collection despite Hulk being A) alive and B) on the other side of the country.

Another in-joke pic, this is based off of me and Levi wondering if Gorilla Grodd has to take the subway to get around Central City. eventually (somehow) escalating to him getting a job. 

C'mon. you know Batman and Nightwing had this conversation. 

Toast-Bot is the way of the future.

Ask a man to make a cover for a random game, and this is what happens. 

More like Toom and Jurry. 

This speaks for itself, frankly. 

Maybe the classes are why nobody can hit anything, since Boba is the worst bounty hunter of all time. 

This is my legit favorite thing that I've made, it's a teaser poster for the upcoming Defenders Netflix series. I might make a hypothetical season 2 poster with Punisher, Moon Knight, Ghost Rider, and Blade. Maybe. 

I did make it! Although I swapped Blade for Kaine.

Guest Review: The Man from UNCLE (or the Batman v. Superman we almost got)

Mission Impossible. Bourne. Bond (Craig-verse, anyway.) Why is it that when spy movies come out, they’re dark and brooding? Where are all the fun romps? That’s a question that The Man from UNCLE seeks to answer with, “Right here you dummy!” But does it succeed? Read my review and find out?

Napoleon Solo (Henry Cavill) is a former thief turned CIA agent, more or less blackmailed into working off what would have been his prison sentence. During a mission in East Berlin to extract Gaby Teller (Alicia Vikander), the daughter of missing nuclear scientist Udo Teller, Solo is ambushed by Illya Kuryakin (Armie Hammer), a no-nonsense and blunt KGB agent, but narrowly escapes. Unfortunately, Solo and Kuryakin, alongside Gaby, are forced to team up when it becomes clear that Gaby’s father has been kidnapped by Nazi sympathizers who intend to use him to build an atomic bomb. What ensues is a spy adventure through fabulous locales set in the swinging 60’s, with betrayals and twists galore.

It’s also a lot of fun, with everyone involved clearly enjoying themselves. Cavill as Solo is excellent as a smooth and experienced spy, with nothing ever truly phasing him, and he bounces off of the (hilariously) stoic Hammer, who plays his character with just enough depth and hidden rage to prevent Kuryakin from becoming a one-note Russian stereotype. Vikander, meanwhile, nails the sex appeal of a Bond girl, but injects it with a goofy and lovable feel. Also, she isn’t stuck in a dumb love triangle with Solo and Kuryakin, which is an interesting twist since that’s usually how a movie like this would go. The cast also has an awesome chemistry together, which sells the reluctant (turned not-so-reluctant) team-up.

Of course, a great cast can’t save a movie where the action and plot don’t work, so it’s a good thing they do, for the most part. Guy Ritchie captures the retro feel and visual style of old-school Bond, with scenes that definitely wouldn’t feel out of place in a Moore-era Bond flick. The editing and cinematography is cut in such a way that the action is fun without being overwhelming, and it snaps along well because of it. The story is also fun, with solid wisecracks and humor, alongside unexpected bait-and-switches of spy tropes. (Kuryakin regularly avoids killing despite being a brute of a man, while Solo curses with modern-day slang.) Unfortunately, the movie isn’t perfetc writing-wise. Near the end of the film, the pacing and tone varies wildly, and at times feels as though it should be in a different film. One scene in particular wouldn’t have been out-of-place in Casino Royale (Trust me, you’ll know it when you see it.) while a knifefight in the rain between Kuryakin and the big bad’s deadliest mook is deadly serious.

I suppose I should also mention that while the main trio is well-written and fleshed out, the supporting cast is less so. Elizabeth Debicki and Luca Cavini are excellent as the main villians, but the characters never feel like anything other smarmy villians. (To be fair, neither did Dr. No.) Hugh Grant is difficult to discuss without spoiling his character’s role in the plot, but he’s solid, if underused. What I’m saying is that the cast is solid, if underdevloped.

Ulitmately, The Man from UNCLE isn’t perfect, but it overcomes a style-over-substance design by having a hell lot of style. It’s quick, funny, and most importantly, fun. Go see it if you want to have fun. You do like fun, don’t you?

Overall Score: 8 out of 10

Notes:

>That’s right, I’m grading on a 1 to 10 scale now. Deal with it.

>”You should’ve seen it run. It tore the hood off my car.” A bewildered Solo describing his run-in with Kuryakin.

>Solo nonchalantly eating a sandwich as Kuryakin is chased by guards is one of the film’s funniest scenes, and absolutely could’ve gone on longer.

>I really would like to see a sequel to this, seeing as how it broke even at the box office and already has something of a cult following.

The Mark

(So, this is a story I'm working on. I'll post pieces of it as I convert the written version to text. The notes Kira writes are contained in textboxes, so I'll have to re-insert those.)

The Mark

Written by Ryan Mains

Lara Washington floated down the river. The darkness of the water contrasted her hair, a flaming red. With a slashed throat, she was almost certainly dead. Of course, her friends and family didn’t know this yet, so she was also, to them at least, alive. A Schrodinger’s Girl, if you will. Of course, they would find her eventually, and that’s when things will really go downhill.

 

                                *           *            *

 

Kira groaned as she walked to the broken-down trailer in front of her. This was Chuck’s house. She really didn’t like Chuck. She stopped at the door, and briefly considered walking away. In spite of herself, she knocked. There was an uncomfortable long pause, and then the door opened. Kira was greeted face-first with a horrid, almost certainly drug-related stench. She frowned once she set eyes on Chuck. Everything about Chuck just oozed sleaze. The yellow teeth. The bloodshot eyes. The greasy wifebeater and jeans. He grinned. “Kira, what brings you to my humble abode?” She ignored his false charm. “Where’s Lara, Chuck?” Chuck looked confused. “Why would I know where she is?” Kira scoffed. “Because she’s your girlfriend? Don’t try this crap with me, Chuck.” Chuck shrugged, “I haven’t seen her since the party at Dan’s house.”

 

She raised an eyebrow, disgust visible in her tone. “You took her to a party?” Chuck was insulted. “Before you ride away on the goddamned high horse, I’ll let you know nothing happened. Some other guy drove her home.” “Who?” Now he was angry. “I don’t know. I was high, could barely tell where I was. All I knew was that the guy gave me the creeps. Now we gonna play 20 questions or are you gonna get off my porch?” She pulled out her notebook and scribbled down some notes. “Goodbye, Chuck.” She stepped off of the porch, not bothering to turn at the sound of the door slamming. She wasn’t surprised that Chuck was less than helpful.

 

Suddenly, her cellphone buzzed. She answered. “Hello?” “Where are you, K?” Kira cursed silently. “Hey, Dad. I’m, uh, I’m staying after at school.” There was silence, then a sigh, on the other end. “Where are you really?” Figures her dad would see her through lie. “I’m at the trailer park. I was talking to Chuck about Lara.” Her dad sighed again. “Alright, I’m coming to pick you up.” “No, you don’t have to-““Yes, I do. Stay there, K.” She hung up. “Damn it.”

                                   *               *              *

It took 20 minutes for Officer Frank Andrews to pull up to the trailer park. “Hey, Dad.” “Hey, K. Get in.” They drove in relative silence for a few minutes. Kira broke the silence. “Look, Dad, I only went over because-““You don’t think the cops can handle this? We already shook own this Russo scumbag. I doubt he told you anything different. You-“ He pointed at her with his gloved hand. His hand had been badly burned by the accident that had killed her mother. “-need to stay out of this. You don’t know what kind of stuff Lara was wrapped up in. I lost your mom, but I ain’t losing you.” If this hadn’t been the hundredth time she’d heard this speech, it would’ve had actual weight. “Look, Dad, I’m sorry.” Frank hesitated. “Alright, honey.” They pulled into the driveway of the house. “So I’m still working for a bit. I’ll be home around 9 or 10, alright?” Kira nodded, then stepped out of the car. “Hey, K?” She turned. “We’re gonna find her. Ok?” She smiled, thin and largely forced, but it seemed to please her father. She stepped into the house, left her keys on the table, went to her room. Taking out her notebook, she tore out the page of her notes on the meeting with Chuck and stuck it to her wall. The information was lacking. “Where are you, Lara?” One part of her said, “Alive and well.” But everything else said, “Dead and gone.”

                     *                       *                     *

Kira awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of something the wall of her room. Her window was open, as always. On the floor lay a rock with a note tied to it. She bent over and picked up the note. “Meet me at the tree afterschool-T.” Kira frowned. She didn’t recognize the writing. “T?” She closed the window, then left the rock on the windowsill and went back to bed.

                       *                    *                      *

Kira felt a sense of loss as she walked up to the tree. Located at a nearby lake, she and Lara had played here as kids. Whoever wanted to meet here obviously knew the two of them well. She checked her watch. “It was 2:30, and there wasn’t any sign of “T’. There was rustling in the bushes, and she turned to see a teenage boy in a green jacket, a Doctor Who t-shirt, and jeans stepped out of them. If she hadn’t figured it out by then, the partially broken glasses and messy dark hair helped Kira figure out the identity of “T”. “Theo?”

 

Theo Marcellin was something of a loner. He rarely spoke up during classes, ate lunch alone, and didn’t seem to care much about other people. Lara had taken it upon herself to bring him out of his shell. The efforts, for the most part, weren’t successful. He looked around nervously, and then said,”Hey, Kira.” She looked at him with interest. “Why did you throw the rock through my window?” He chuckled, then replied, “Because you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.” She looked confused, and then replied, “And you do?” He nodded. “Alright then, where’s Lara?” He shook his head. “Can’t tell you that.” She got angry. “Why not? How do I know everything you say to me isn’t a lie?” He got even more nervous. “Because I can’t tell you anything beyond clues, or bad things happen. I can give you pieces, but not the whole puzzle.”

 

 Kira rolled her eyes, but got out her notebook anyway. “Alright, give me a “hint” then.” He nodded, and replied, “Your friend was wrapped up with very bad people. Kira frowned, “You don’t think I already knew that? Are you saying Chuck-“Theo shook his head. “Not him. Bigger.” She started to ask who, but realized he wasn’t going to ask that. “That’s all I have. I’ll contact you if I have anything else.” He turned to leave, but Kira stopped him. “Why are you helping me?” He seemed to form a response, but stopped himself. “Maybe I’ll tell you later.” He walked back into the bushes. “Alright, then.” Kira scribbled down some notes, then left.  

Guest Review: Ant-Man

After the good but not particularly great Avengers 2, Marvel knew they needed something special. Outside of the box. They needed another Guardians. So they fired the brilliant and unique Edgar Wright and replaced him with Peyton Reed, director of Yes Man. (Okay, maybe more on that later.) But is Ant-Man a good movie, despite its troubled production, or is it just another bug on the windshield that is the rapidly growing superhero movies industry? Read my review and find out.

Ant-Man tells the story of Scott Lang, an ex-con, who after breaking into the home of former Ant-Man Hank Pym, finds himself in the possession of the Ant-Man suit. Drawn into a battle between Pym, his daughter Hope, and Pym's former protege Darren Cross, who intends to weaponize Pym's creation of Pym particles (particles that allow the wearer to grow and shrink) and sell them, unsurprisingly, to HYDRA (I'll talk about them in my notes section.), Lang must prove his potential as a hero in time to prevent a catastrophe.

The plot of Ant-Man is a solid heist flick, with some genuinely funny lines. It's fairly standard, all things considered, and can more or less be considered an inversion of the 1st Iron Man. (Young Tony Stark tries to prevent his old protege Obidiah Stane from weaponizing the Arc Reactor.) Of course, the replacement of Edgar Wright probably prevented a more impressive and out-there of the film we eventually got, but Reed's script is still solid, with one of the best gags actually being written by him. Although, the final battle does drag a bit, and the finale 

As for performances, they're also solid. Rudd's funny, with just enough seriousness to make him a likable character worth rooting for. As Hope, Evangline Lily sells a sense of bitterness and resentment that makes her an interesting foil to Lang. Fulfilling the Marvel tradition of casting a veteran actor in a crucial role, Micheal Douglas absolutely kills it, selling a world-weary former hero with a subtle sense of sadness that a lesser actor might have totally botched. And while his character may have unclear motives in the endgame, Corey Stoll is unsurprisingly terrific as Cross, a man driven mad by a seething resentment and hatred against the people he once considered friends. 

                                                Sounds familiar, now that I think about it. 

Of course, the best performance is quite obviously Micheal Peña as Luis, Scott's best friend and leader of his own crew of thieves. Peña steals every scene he's in, and his raming Drunk History-esque stories are easily the film's best scenes. (And they were written by Peyton Reed, so suck it, Edgar Wright. ...Just kidding I love you bud.) Every Marvel film needs comic relief as side-splittingly funny as Luis. 

All in all, Ant-Man, despite Edgar Wright's unfortunate departure, is a solid superhero flick with humor and heart. Go see it, or better yet, pirate it, so you don't have to give Marvel money and encourage them to fire interesting directors in favor of generic ones.

Overall Score: 4 out of 5

Notes: 

>Why is the HYDRA rep in Ant-Man some new guy and not Grant Ward? I know most people don't watch Agents of Shield, but this is somewhat ridiculous seeing as how he's HYDRA's new de facto leader.

>Also, one of the buyers had a Ten Rings tattoo, even though we're never going to deal with the Mandarin again. The Mandarin is the City College of the MCU. 

>"Baskin-Robbins always finds out." Ant-Man might be the funniest Marvel movie thus far. 

>Yes, I have seen Fantastic Four, and no, it's neither good enough or bad enough to write an 4-paragraph review over.

>I know that burn at the end might be meanspirited, but Marvel has 1. replaced Edgar Wright with Peyton Reed because he's cheaper and handles executive meddling better. 2. chosen the Russo bros. over James Gunn to direct Avengers 3, with the reason inevitably being that they're cheaper.