The Monstrumologist by Rick Yancey Book Review

The Monstrumologist

The Monstrumologist is the first book in a series written by Rick Yancey. Taking place in 1888, the novel chronicles the events of Will Henry, the twelve year-old apprentice to Doctor Pellinore Winthrop. Winthrop is a/the Monstrumologist. That is to say, he studies creatures of unusual design all of which have a taste for human flesh. While Will is portrayed as an innocent boy, Winthrop is a character that reminded me a bit of Sherlock Holmes. He is detached from human emotions and always obsessed with his work.

The story is told from Will Henry’s point of view, but is explained to  supposedly be a journal entry written by a presumably adult Will as he remembers and reflects upon his adventures with the doctor. The novel also has a very small modern day storyline about a man who read Will Henry’s journal. It is a cool gimmick, and does a good job of adding depth to the universe Yancey has created.

Since the story takes place in the 17th Century, one would expect that the language of the novel would be quite different than that used today. Yancey delivers, and the result is a beautiful book with some of the best writing I’ve ever experienced in youth fiction. The old-timey style of writing really sets the tone and mood of the book, making it the great horror book that it is.

The main monsters featured in this novel are the Anthropophagi, which in all likelihood you have never heard of. Anthropophagi (auto-correct hates me right now) are ape-like creatures with mouths on their bellies and eyes on their shoulders. They also don’t have heads. If this isn’t enough detail for you, don’t worry. Yancey describes them in a more expansive and vividly horrifying way throughout the book.

Speaking of details! This novel is all about details, especially since the goal is to “scare” the reader. Yancey holds up his end of the bargain yet again, providing gruesome and gut wrenching details that will surely make you squirm. This was a pleasant surprise, considering the novel is classified as “young adult fiction.”

I enjoyed reading The Monstrumologist, however, the middle section of the book did not grab my attention as much as the rest. I give The Monstrumologist an 8/10. It’s a good book if you want a chilling story, just beware of reading at night.

Guardians of the Galaxy Review: DC Should Just Give Up

Guardians of the Galaxy

When it comes to comics and superheroes, DC comics and Marvel comics are the biggest contenders. Lately, however, Marvel has been dominating the industry, especially in the film department. I’m pretty sure DC comics wet themselves after the release of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy. After this movie, and with the Avengers 2: Age of Ultron coming out next summer, DC should just give up now.

Story

This movie doesn’t feel like a Marvel movie. It does feel like an epic sci-fi adventure that holds the promise of sequels to follow. In case you don’t already know, Guardians of the Galaxy is about a group of outlaws who unite during a prison escape and continue on to, well, guard the galaxy of course!

The average movie goer will probably not recognize most of the characters from the film, but this doesn't make the story any less engaging. However, if you are a die-hard Marvel fan like me, you will also find joy in references to your favorite Marvel franchises.

Each character is really unique and charming in their own way. Star-Lord/Peter Quill is played by Chris Patt and is what you could consider the “main” character and the leader of the group. Groot (voiced by Vin Diesel), the giant human-tree is surprisingly funny and cute throughout the film. Gamora is a green, alien, warrior, assassin and also the adopted daughter of Thanos. Drax the Destroyer (played by Dave Bautista) is an angry and oddly eloquent alien who does not understand sarcasm or metaphors. Finally, there is Rocket the Raccoon. Voiced by Bradley Cooper, this spunky and furry mutant with a love of big guns is my personal favorite character.

All together, the team has great chemistry and is a joy to watch. The story (which I won’t spoil anymore than I have) is  interesting and serves as a brilliant way to expand the Marvel cinematic universe. It’s fantastic.

Acting/Dialogue

All the actors fill their shoes well but a select few performances stand out more than the rest.

The Best Actor award goes to Star-Lord himself, Chris Patt. Second place, however, goes to Dave Bautista (Drax). Bautista exceeded all of my expectations and delivered some of the best lines in the movie.

With the movie containing two voice acted characters, the award for Best Voice Actor goes to Bradley Cooper who did a great job of bringing Rocket to life and made me really car about the fuzzy fella.

The dialogue is spot-on. It’s funny, witty, and appealing to all ages. Seriously, the movie will have you roaring with laughter and grab the attention of every viewer.

SFX/Action

While a lot of this movie is CG, it all looks incredibly realistic. Especially impressive are the spaceships and flying vehicles. You can see reflections in all the windshields, and every spacecraft moves/animates fluidly. The final fight has a ridiculous number of enemy ships flying around and exploding everywhere, yet you can see every single one in detail.

Guardians of the Galaxy has the perfect number of fight scenes. I never once felt as if the action overpowered the story or vice-versa. I really like how every character has a different fighting style, which makes for some interesting combinations.

Conclusion

I think Guardians of the Galaxy is the best Marvel movie to date. Oh, and did I mention that its a perfect movie? That’s right, I give Guardians of the Galaxy a 10/10. The string that DC comics has been clinging onto for the past few years just got thinner. Go see this movie now. It’s bound to be the best flick of the summer.

N4G Review: Why I Will Never Use the Site Again

N4G

Note: I attempted to post the following on N4G.com in an act of

retaliation:

Hello, I just joined this hellhole of a website the other day. I have been writing some reviews for Gamefaqs over the past month and decided that I might as well share them with the N4G community. Couldn't hurt right? So I submitted my 5 innocent reviews and awaited approval. Unfortunately, all 5 of my reviews were reported and failed by some ass hole with a superiority complex.

For reference: his name is Emilio_Estevez. He accused me of being spammy, and proceeded to act very hypocritical and report and fail EVERY SINGLE REVIEW I SUBMITTED. And I'm the one who spammed. Right.

After all my reviews were slaughtered, they were categorized as "failed" insuring that they will never see the light of day.

All I'm saying is that the content that is submitted by users should not be judged by relevance or quantity. They should be judged by QUALITY. If someone submits data that another person may enjoy, then who are you to play God and prevent that submission from succeeding.

I doubt that anyone will actually read this post, but if actually gets approved and you do end up reading it, tell me if you have ever faced the tyranny of people like Emilio and tell me how you feel about it.

After submitting this blog post for approval on the site, I was promptly banned for two days. This was because I included a swear word that I have since then edited out. I admit, that was my own mistake.

Regardless, I am still angry about my reviews being failed. I took a look at the site’s terms of use and I found this:

NewsBoiler [N4G] has the right to terminate and/or suspend your ability to access the Website or any portion thereof, for any or no reason, without notice.

I’m sure this term is featured on many other websites, however, I have never experienced it used so liberally. I just don’t think it’s fair. I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has ever been treated unfairly, so, just for the heck of it, I give N4G a 2.5/10 for its poor management, moderation, and friendliness to aspiring journalists. Congratulations N4G, your have the lowest rating of anything I’ve ever reviewed.

Have you ever faced the injustice of people like Emilio_Estevez? Let me know in the comments below.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 Review: Better Than Frozen

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Animated Movies have changed a lot in the past decade. Pixar and Disney’s reign over the industry is at an end, and Dreamworks is now a real contender. I loved the first How to Train Your Dragon, and its sequel is even more impressive. And yes, it is better than Frozen.

Story

After the events of the last film, the Isle of Berk has been changed forever. Dragons have been fully incorporated into the Vikings’ lives. Practically every character now has there own Dragon.

While the rest of Berk are enjoying the benefits of dragons at home, Hiccup and Toothless (who is as cute as ever) are busy exploring the world and discovering new lands. The movie takes place five years after its predecessor and Hiccup has matured into a responsible, but stubborn, 20 year-old.

Hiccup’s father Stoick wants Hiccup to take over as Chief of Berk, which puts a lot of pressure on Hiccup. Some nice internal conflict to kick things off. Anyway, Hiccup and his now-steady girlfriend Astrid discover a group of dragon hunters who are working for an evil dragon hunter who controls one of the most powerful dragons on earth. His method of control: Screaming at the top of his lungs like a madman. I think this is supposed to be “scary” but it just comes across as funny.

Hiccup also finds out that there are other dragon riders out in the world and sets out to find them. This sets off a series of events that spawn some intense action scenes and an engaging plot. Many of the scenes will send chills down your spine.

There isn’t much else I can say without spoiling anything. However, know that some things happen in this movie that will affect the rest of the series.

The only thing I didn't like about the story was the side character development. There is supposed to be a love triangle between Ruffnut (of is it Tuffnut?) and the two other boys, whose names escape me. However, this plotline is smothered by the main story and Hiccup and Astrid’s romance. All in all, the side characters don’t amount to much, and they are pretty much ignored.

Voice Acting/Dialogue

Jay Baruchel (Hiccup) did a fantastic job voice acting. His voice has really matured and grown since the last film, and he is still the perfect fit for Hiccup.

Gerard Butler (Stoick) does a good job as well, but I am giving the award for Best Voice Actor to Jay Baruchel.

The dialogue (which is a word I cannot spell for the life of me) is perfect. I thought it was the perfect balance of childish and sophisticated. In fact, it is the wonderful script that makes this movie more mature than most other animated films. It isn’t just a kid movie; It’s one everyone can enjoy.

Graphics/Action

Note: Since this is an animated film, I have changed the SFX category to Graphics.

The visual effects in this movie are, to be frank, beautiful. The world pop with color, and when multiple dragons fly through the air, you can see every detail. Just to but the level of detail into perspective, know this: You can see practically every strand of hair on Hiccups hair. He even has stubble!

The action scenes (of which there are many) are so cool. The dragon vs. dragon combat is especially great. These scenes are where this movie shines, and provide suspense and a huge sense of danger to the movie.

Conclusion

How to Train Your Dragon 2 was magnificent. All the great ideas fit together well and produce a well-rounded and mature film that sparks the imagination. I give it an 8.5/10. Better than Frozen, HTTYD2 is the best animated film of 2014. I look forward to how it hold up against Big Hero 6 this fall.

Transformers 4: Age of Extinction Review

Transformers 4: Age of Extinction

Transformers: Age of Extinction is the latest entry in the Transformers “saga” from director of awesomeness: Michael Bay. The movie also stars Mark Wahlberg, but his performance is less than noteworthy. I said previously that I wasn’t going to review this movie, but I decided that it could only be fun, so here we go. Get ready for sarcasm.

Story

After the events of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, all the Autobots are being hunted down by the government with the assistance of some freelance evil transformers. These evil-but-not-Decepticons-for-some-reason want to capture Optimus Prime in order to add him to “the collection.” The government, in their typical selfish way, are hunting down the Autobots and Decepticons collectively and melting them down into…. Wait for it….. TRANSFORMIUM. Ignoring the absolute awfulness of that name for a moment, Transformium is a sort of bio-metal that all Transformers are made of. Funny that it hasn't been mentioned in any of the previous films. Hmmmm. Anyway, some government corporation has re-purposed the transformium and is using it in order to manufacture their own Transformers. The idea is that the government will then use these robotic soldiers to rule the world or whatever.  

This fictional corporation, which also has a dumb name that I can’t remember, makes a prototype named Galvatron. Galvatron is based on Megatron’s genetic code and, unsurprisingly, he becomes self-aware and develops the urge to rule the world. Thus ends the Transformer portion of the story.

Now for the human portion. Mark Wahlberg is a Texan mechanic with a daughter who I think is supposed to be the “love-interest” because she basically fills in for Megan Fox from the first two films. Marky Mark discovers Optimus Prime in a basement somewhere and repairs him. Optimus then saves Marky’s family from the evil government agents and Mark Wahlberg decides that he owes Optimus and spends the rest of the movies repaying his debt.

Obviously, the Transformer storyline is way more interesting, albeit a little ridiculous. My biggest problem with this movie is that they repeatedly enforce the idea that Transformers are not just machines, but living things. But the movie never develops the Transformers’ characters. Instead, it focuses on the boring humans leaving the A

utobots for which the movie is named are left looking like side characters.

Besides, the plot doesn't really evolve throughout the movie and at the end, almost nothing is resolved. But hey, no one watches Michael Bay movies for the plot anyway. He’s the master of explosions! So if you just want to see lots of action and good fight scenes, then this movie is up to par. At best.

Acting/Dialogue

Mark Wahlberg is arguably the biggest star in this movie, but his performance seemed forced. I don’t think any of the actors in the movie actually wanted to be in the movie. Regardless, I will give out the award for best human actor and best voice actor.

Best Transformer: John Goodman for his performance as Hound. He is by far the most funny and interesting Autobot in the movie.

Best Human: Stanley Tucci for his performance as the CEO of the evil corporation.

Dialogue is poor. Piss poor. Composed of bad one-liners the script is uninteresting and unoriginal.

SFX/Action

Here it comes. The category that everyone wants to see, especially for this movie. Does Michael Bay live up to his reputation as king of the extreme?

No.

Alright fine, I’ll elaborate. Nothing looks real in this movie. Fight scenes don’t usually play out like you’d expect them to. Granted, transformations look really cool and fight scenes have a lot more detail than in previous movies.

The explosions are what got to me. Arguably the most appealing feature of a Michael Bay film are his epic non-cg explosions. In Transformers AOE, every explosion is way too over the top. With fireworks literally exploding out of nowhere, everything just seems unrealistic and cartoony.

Note: 3-D did not add or subtract much from the movie at all.

Conclusion

When editing this review I realized I went a little too easy on this movie, as I tend to do. Just to clarify, I did not like it at all. I give Transformers 4 a 4.5/10. If you still want to see it, I recommend doing now while it is in theaters. The special effects, despite their cheesiness, won’t look as good unless they are on the big screen.